


"I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve"

by Mother_of_Dragons



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DC Cinematic Universe, DCU (Comics), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Badly Written Smut, F/M, I couldnt think of a title, I have a thing for the Joker, Posted on my phone, bone zone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-16 01:55:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8082094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_of_Dragons/pseuds/Mother_of_Dragons
Summary: Reader & Joker get up to some 'fun time' on the couch.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was intended to be ambiguous so the reader (that’s you!) could imagine whichever Joker you pleased but in the end I think it came out more like Heath Ledger's portrayal of Mistah J, sorry.

This was wrong, morally and otherwise. He was The Joker, the 'Clown Prince' of crime and archenemy of Batman, saviour of Gotham.  
But what could you say? The feeling of him nuzzled into your neck with his hips pressed up against yours as he held you flat against a wall just felt _so damn right_ .  
  
You hadn't met in the most practical of circumstances - in fact you, being you, had somehow managed to wander into a seemingly abandoned yet familiar alleyway just as a deal went sour. You'd just been trying to cut down a few minutes on your commute home after a particularly bad day at work (Sheila was her regularly bitchy self, not much of a surprise but still annoying nonetheless) but instead had stumbled upon the infamous Ace of Knaves himself and a man lying face down in a dark puddle who you'd desperately hoped was sleeping. Stupidly, you had screamed and made yourself known to the dozen or so henchmen that you had failed to notice, all in similar getups to Joker.  
  
You had shut your eyes as the one closest to you had started to approach, gun out and not looking so friendly, but had opened them again at what you'd assumed to be a brave Gotham citizen's command of " _Stop!_ ". You had been wrong, there were no brave citizens of Gotham, no coincidental Police officers making their rounds around the unsafe streets - or at least none willing to help you that night.

 _He_ had been the one to shout stop and there he stood, head cocked to the side and sleeves rolled up to reveal pale, taut muscle as he looked you up and down. _"Run"_ . He didn't need to say it twice, you had turned from the group and ran as fast as your legs could carry you, not stopping until you'd reached your home and thrown up in the bathroom sink, sore legs giving way underneath you not long after.  
  
You hadn't rested until you had ordered the very best security system in town (challenging almost even Bruce Wayne's), taking advantage of their order and deliver the same day guarantee (much to the disdain of a very disgruntled employee at 4:00 in the morning) and, of course, after depleting most of your supply of hard alcohol. You had woken up the next day to a killer, if you'll excuse the language, hangover and had subsequently called in sick to work, not wanting to deal with any human interaction for well, the rest of your life really. You had planned to make yourself some cereal, maybe even an omelette if you felt like putting much effort into it, and losing yourself in an abundance of generic daytime TV as you had stumbled out of your bedroom, dressed in only a camisole and panties (Your go to outfit for when you had nothing to do and nowhere to be) but those plans had all come to a  crashing halt at the sight of an unfortunately familiar looking purple and green clad figure on your couch.

  
  
"You're distracted puddin'" He says, his slightly gravelly voice pulling you out of your memories. "Only by you" you reply truthfully, wondering how your relationship had changed from one of forced (hostile) tolerance to him dropping by whenever he needed a fix and lastly, the something else that you both were now. At many times he had caught you unawares, ranging from him appearing almost catatonic and covered in blood to the all-night long sessions you had in the bedroom and greatly enjoyed. Right now his visit seemed to hold no traces of either, unconsciously on his part letting your mind slip into the oh so hopeful yet oh so dangerous ideal that maybe, just maybe, you had a semi-normal relationship after all - although you knew with the Joker, nothing was normal.  
  
You shake your head slightly to clear those thoughts and look back at him. He’s in full makeup today, naturally, and you try your hardest to resist licking your lips as he pouts his own, signifying that he doesn't think he’s getting enough attention - you fail.

“I can, uh, help you re-dye your hair” you offer, watching him as he watches you. It's not quite returned to its natural shade, whatever that may be, but you can quite clearly tell it's not as green as it used to be. He breaks into a grin which spreads wider as a result of his scars at your attempt to disguise the fact that you had, quite obviously, been thinking about kissing him.

"I have a better, uh, idea" he replies, mimicking you (or were you mimicking him?) as he pulls you close.

His lips are chapped and dry slightly against your own but it makes no difference to you as he swipes his tongue across your bottom lip. You part your own in compliance, letting him gently push you backwards until you’re laying across the very same couch that you’d discovered him on in the first place. Kissing him back passionately, you let out a lewd moan as he presses his knee between your legs, pushing them apart and rubbing briefly yet purposefully against your centre.

You feel the laughter before you hear it as he pulls away, his chest racked with rumbles as a consequence of the incessant action. You heave yourself up on your elbows as Joker’s laughter dies down above you, not at all seeing the funny side - now it's your turn to pout.

“Did that turn ya on? Let me know just how wet you are for me Pumpkin”

“Soaking wet” you reply immediately, giving him your best doe eyes in the hopes that it’ll get him started again. It does the trick and he regains his composure, eyes roving hungrily over your body before he presses his lips against yours once more. It's not long before his hands begin to roam, travelling up your shirt and grabbing at your breasts in the most pleasurable way; but you want more. Managing to not break the kiss, you practically pull your shirt apart - oblivious to the buttons that make a wild break for freedom and clatter onto the floor. Next come your bra, jeans and panties (which you leave around your knees).

Once again, you feel his smirk at your eagerness more than see it as his lips disconnect from yours, leaving a trail of ‘love’ bites down your neck. At one point he even scrapes his teeth across your collarbone, breaking the skin and giving you chills before he continues his descent. Soon enough his lips wrap around a nipple, a pale hand going up to massage your other breast and you're moaning again, arching your back as you dig your nails into his shoulder.

You use your free hand to reach between both your bodies, cupping his length through his trousers before trying to unbutton them completely, fingers trembling slightly at the pleasure you were still receiving from Joker - at this rate, you would orgasm from his touch alone.

He has his hands around your neck, albeit loosely, before you can even undo the first button and you stop immediately, knowing you had crossed some sort of line. “Just for that suga’, I’ll make you hold it all in until I see fit. Is that clear?”

You nod your head in understanding as best you can as the Joker releases his loose grip on your throat, knowing that his point had been clearly received. Next time you’d remember that him keeping his clothes on helped him maintain his control over you, something you could both end up enjoying if you played your cards right. Nevertheless, he begins to unbutton his pants, finally revealing his cute black and yellow Batman boxers. Your amusement must show on your face because Joker pulls away _again_ with an odd look on his face which (unfortunately for you) is just made all the more comical by his makeup. “You think this is, uh, funny?” he asks, no trace of anger in his voice, just lust. You refrain from pointing out how it had been him who’d first burst out into laughter and before you know what's happening, he pulls his member free and is practically buried hilt to tip inside of you.

“ _Jok_ _er_ ” you gasp in surprise, pushing yourself upwards so that you feel more comfortable. He’s smiling and his hands are placed on your waist for perch as he pounds mercilessly into you. 

Joker doesn't take things slow _ever_ you’ve come to learn, it simply isn't his style. You still had yet to get 100% used to it but, boy did it feel good.

Your eyes briefly flutter shut in bliss but you open them without a seconds hesitation when Joker tells you to, claiming that he wants to see all your unadulterated expressions clearly, _the eyes are the windows to the soul after all._

He’s grinning when you look up at him (that half crazed smile he gets whenever something goes his way) and your mixed pants of pleasure clearly punctuate your apartments’ relative quiet; the only soundtrack you two would ever need.

 _Great acoustics_ , you think in passing, not worried about what your neighbours would say, they were too scared to make any complaints or even a try any type of social interaction anymore anyway; Joker didn’t exactly keep his arrivals hush hush.

Soon enough though, your thoughts clear and you're brought back to the present when Joker presses his thumb against your clitoris whilst still inside you. Your back arches immediately and you can't help but let out a mewl of content as your walls clench against him. He lets out a sigh himself, pausing momentarily before he continues his ministrations, rubbing his digit in stimulating circles across your clit until it feels practically swollen and you're on the verge of sensory overload.

He must be able to tell that your close because suddenly he pulls away from you with a low grunt, now looming over you with his still erect member ‘standing to attention’ against his abdomen. “What did I say, dollface?”

“That I can't cum until you say, sir” you reply accordingly, eyes on the precum that's starting to accumulate on the head of his cock. Although his expression is stern, he nods to confirm, running a hand through his hair - he’s pleased with your response. A few seconds pass, your pants receding as you come off your _almost_ high before he slides inside of you again.

He leans down to kiss you this time as he pounds into you, possibly to shut you up; you’d like to think otherwise. There’s no question of a struggle for power as he licks a quick stripe across your bottom lip and they separate.

Just like everything else, he kisses you hard and fast, tongue gliding easily over yours as he explores your mouth; you kiss back with equal vigour, hands snaking underneath his shirt to scratch at his lean chest and back. You're almost crying now from holding in your orgasm and it certainly doesn't help that he looks like he's close either.

Sure enough, not a few seconds later, he pulls away from the kiss and you watch in fascination as he rides out his orgasm, feeling the familiar gush of his warm cum fill you up inside.

“Mista’ J, please, I’ll do anything” you just about whimper, the knot in your abdomen tightening at the sight of him coming undone. “Anything eh? Well, I could never say no to that face. Your wish is my command puddin’”

Settling between your legs to keep them open and apart, he wets his index finger and slides it inside of you deftly, inserting another soon after. He makes a few scissoring motions to get you going before he begins to pump in and out, crooking his fingers accordingly to hit the spot and you're moaning again, feeling the knot tighten even more _until…_ you lose all control and the pleasure hits you full force, running its course through your full body before coming to rest again at your stomach. It doesn't last for long, 15 seconds or less, but you swear you reach cloud nine.

Grinning in satisfaction, he slowly pulls out his fingers, maintaining eye contact as he laps up the mixture of his juices and yours that coat them until it's all gone.

“Hows about I take you up on that offer from earlier? I just hate going to the salon. They always get the shade wrong and I end up looking like a canary for the rest of the week ‘till I can get it fixed, _I mean, who's ever heard of a proper, functioning, human being with canary green hair?_ It just ain't natural. Plus, they never let me pay. Of course that’s probably more to do with the hitmen holdin’ guns to their heads, but still, not a very sound business practice if you ask me - makes me feel like a jerk when I stiff the bill” Joker rambles, getting up off the couch to pull up his slacks.

“S-sure” you reply, arm draped over your eyes and secretly relieved. You never did know where Joker was going to take those type of offers; with him, the options were endless, you were glad he had settled for just a dye job.

Abandoning the idea of doing up your shirt completely, the buttons of which are still sprawled across your floor, you instead strap on your bra and pull up your panties and jeans. “I can't exactly say I’ve ever done this before but sure, I’ll try my best” you reply, running a hand through your hair as you regulate your breathing.

“That’s what I like to hear”

Sifting through the fresh laundry basket you had left on the kitchen island, ready to be sorted later, you choose a dark sweatshirt and slip it on, trying to think of the nearest store that you knew sold hair dye. There was one a couple of blocks over, less than a five minute walk from your home.

He’d just have to occupy himself until you got back. You had no doubt that he’d find something to do, just as long as he doesn't go around harassing your neighbours any more than he has to.

**Author's Note:**

> Did y'all enjoy the smut? I don't think I ever really intended on completing this but out of the blue I got inspiration. Comments, even criticisms, are greatly appreciated so don't forget to leave them below.
> 
> I'm working on finishing a lot of fics so please don't be surprised if a new fic of mine pops up out of the blue. I'm trying to be a better writer so there will probably be an array of fics from all different fandoms on my page soon & yes, my ongoing fics will get updated... eventually.


End file.
